Afraid of my own shadow

The other day I did something brave/stupid/insane/awesome/terrible/insertadjectivehere. I quit my job.

I’m still working as I have a contractual 3 month ‘lame duck’ period, which means by the new year I’ll be fully independent… and that scares the mother loving fuck out of me.

I’ve saved all my spare money for the past two years working at my day job, and I estimate I can survive for about a year on the savings, taking into account I might have to invest money on some things like possible trips to things like GDC and hopefully I’ll get a chance to go to the next TigJamUK! Also I really need a laptop. I get small amounts of income from my iOS game Hyper Snake, but it doesn’t put much of a dent into my rent payments.

So I’m still mixed up in how I feel about this, if I succeed in my adventure I’ll be living a dream, if I fail… Then everything I thought I could achieve falls through, and my dream becomes an unobtainable fantasy. This is why I am most afraid, I’m afraid of failing.

I’m a bit of a pessimist, so I tend to focus on the negatives. The positive side of this is that I’ll be able to focus entirely on Chroma, meaning I can hopefully make it a great game, and if I can pull my shit together and worry less, I’ll have the best time making it.

In other news, I’ve submitted Chroma to the IGF. Fingers crossed that it gets some coverage as a result, we’ll see. Again, pessimistic. People who’ve seen it lately or have been following development have been super supportive and wished me luck, and I appreciate that to a phenomenal degree – really inspires me to do the best I can and helps me push past some of the rough bits.

Just thought I’d write something to vent my thoughts at this strange time in my life.

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7 thoughts on “Afraid of my own shadow

  1. *Grabs some popcorn*
    I feel like a hipster to be a such early follower of this success story to come!

    Congrats for having the guts of making the move. As far as I can tell, you totally have the potential… But well, the next months will tell if you are *really* made for this job or not!

  2. i hope everything works out for you man. its always hard to take that first step, trust me i know. but dont be afraid you have a great game here and you seem like a great guy to me. im sure that everything will work out for the better. just know you have got the love and support from some fans. anyways best of luck
    -Justin C.

  3. You’ve made hard step. Shitstrom and sleepless nights and what ifs in great numbers are rushing your direction but follow the dream!
    Good luck.

    hmm there should be something like “godspeed” for gamedevs like bugfreed or sth ;)

  4. You’re awesome and Chroma looks awesome. If you continue to develop in the way you are now then you’ll be making some mind blowing stuff in a few years. Hell you may be right now.

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